On my Birth Certificate I’m Danielle Darcy.

I’m not really sure how to explain exactly “who” I am, that being something I don’t even know myself, but oh well.

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Also, before I begin, I want to make a few things clear. 1, I’m not one of those blogs that makes up sob stories to gain popularity as a kind of “wow” factor. I could really care less about my follower count. 5 and 5,000 are really the same thing in my book. 2, I mean it when I say I will do anything I  can to be there for the followers I do have. No empty promises, fake sympathy, nothing. If you ever need someone to vent to or simply just have conversation with, I will never turn you down. I enjoy helping people, 110 percent. 

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That being said, here we goo.

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I was born into a very strict, republican, religious, dysfunctional family as the eldest of three on the 9th of march, 1996. For most of my life, I’ve never been liked by my immediate family because of my independent and open views on life. I personally feel people are people, regardless of their religious, sexual, or personal thoughts. I also enjoy self expression such as piercings and tattooing, another frowned upon action from my parents. Just outside of my immediate family however, (second and third cousins), is where I find my acceptance. Most of them are more liberal minded and self expressive like me, and I travel to see them whenever I have the money. I believe my obsession with New York and the East Coast stems from this too, having it be where all of them reside.

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With that, I have little or no relationship with my mother or father. I don’t bring this up to achieve any kind of pity. I don’t like to play the victim card, I just feel its appropriate because its really a huge aspect of who I am. The only mother and older sister figures I have live no where near me. Distance sucks. From this I have developed something called FOA or sometimes classified as Autophobia. Basically, its living in the constant fear of people leaving you, which results in huge trust issues. As pathetic as it sounds, I often envy girls who take pictures with their parents or share clothes with their mothers so much that I live in constant dream land of the perfect family I only get to see when I sleep. I do have two younger siblings though, who absolutely light up my parents eyes. I guess I often envy them too, getting so much love that I don’t receive. Makes me question what I ever did wrong. Just like other teenagers though, I often tell myself I don’t care “I’m fine.” But yeah, both you and I know thats the oldest line in the book. I’m not. I’m just another fucked up kid. 

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Despite my problems at home, I rather enjoy life. I think it has so many hidden treasures and everyone and everything has a specific place. I have an obsession with old photographs in black and white, and Polaroids. They are truly spectacular and I believe they really can capture the soul. White roses decorate my room and make me feel at home. Designer brands are my guilty pleasures. I also love to sing. Even though its one thing I’m super insecure about, it makes me feel super happy. I don’t think I’ll go anywhere in life with it, but its a pretty good talent if I do say so myself. Fall is my favorite season, but Christmas in New York City is absolutely breathtaking. I’ve been on Times Square for new years once, never doing it again unless I’m heavily intoxicated or something. It was insane. I’m also convinced my soul was born during the 20’s in New York, and when I’m older I want to explore every inch of the world. Living in California, I’ve always known I was very far away from where I’m supposed to be, so I guess you could say I’m on my way back home. 

I also have an obsession with language. If I could, I’d learn every single one known to man. All my life I’ve spent countless hours learning accents and phrases, and the way a certain dialect rolls off a tongue or shapes a mouth to pronounce something absolutely makes my head spin.

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Music is another key aspect of my life. If I had to choose between being blind or deaf, blind would win every day of the week. Music gets me through some of the hardest parts of my life and I have no idea where I’d be without it. My taste in music however, is super weird. Most people wouldn’t like it because its so odd, but I prefer the world ‘unique’. To be honest, there isn’t a type of music I don’t like. I focus more on the meaning and words than the genre. However, I do really love Amy Winehouse, Frank Sinatra, Lily Allen, Katy Perry, Coldplay, Christina Aguilera, Lana Del Ray, Karmin, Fleetwood Mac, Tupac, Maroon 5, Florence Welch, Sublime, Carrie Underwood, and Colbie Calliat. Odd, I’m aware.

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I was also born with a disorder called Hip Displasia. Its basically where your hip sockets are deformed or gone. For me, it was both. When I was 2 I received surgery on my left hip, creating a socket that never was there, and when I’m older, I’ll have to get another surgery on the right. 

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Scars are another thing that fascinate me. I have a total of 10 on my body and love every one. My most apparent are the one that starts as high as my belly button on my left hip and slides straight down about 8 inches from my hip surgery. The other is on my nose and cheek from getting attacked by a dog when I was 3. I never understand why people offer to get me things to cover them up or conceal them. Scars are proof of the road you’ve traveled and I embrace that.

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When I grow up, I want to be a news correspondent for an entertainment channel so I can interview on the Red Carpet or work for a high ranking Newspaper in New York, and I look up to Giuliana Rancic as inspiration. Entertainment has always been my thing. I can name any celebrity from any genre and all the work they have been in. The actress who has changed my life is Gwyneth Paltrow, and one day I hope we cross paths. I also love Kendall and Kylie Jenner, and I’m OBSESSED with Cara Delevigne If I could change lives with someone in the world for a day, it’d be one of them.

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The most spectacular lady in my life died when I was in fourth grade when she was 87. My great grandmother got me through so much during my life and the last 5 years she lived with me were the hardest and best times of my childhood.

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Another key thing in my life is my writing. The way the mind can work with a pencil, just spilling out your thoughts onto a piece of paper is amazing. I often write fictional stories of families and adventures from first person as an escape and hide them in my room when their finished so my parents can never see them. I also love poetry. I tend to repeat words a lot and use huge words to make me sound intelligent. My favorite word is petrichor. It means “the smell of the first rain on the concrete after a dry spell.”

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The last thing that really defines who I am are my friends. I have many close friends but one of the most influential, hilarious, and beautiful people in my life is my best friend Madeline Hooten. I’ve gotten through so much because of her, and really find her to be one of the most genuine, caring people that I love to be around. A lot of the time I feel like this isn’t the most mutual of relationships, but having her there for me whenever I need, and indulging in the stupidest things together is what makes me never want to lose this kid. She like a sister to me, or what a sister should be, and without her I have no idea how I’d still be here. She grounds me and living in the kind of life I have, makes a world of a difference. 

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  This is all I could come up without writing a novel, but if there is anything else you are curious about, please, feel free to ask. Also, If any advice is ever needed or just wanting to talk, like I said above, I’m here. Especially if you or anyone you know is ever having suicidal thoughts. Both my step grandmother and step grandfather as well as my uncle took their lives, and its not something I take lightly. I mean it when I say you CAN talk to me. As sad as it is, I know what its like to be on both sides of the situation, so really, I can help. If you want to go to professionals however, here is the number: 1-800-273-8255. If not for you, do it for me.

Life is a gift, don’t waste it. x